The day my photo went viral—and why it wasn’t awesome

On a quiet Monday evening, I shared this picture of two of my children holding hands on the front step of our house. Little did I know that with an innocent click of the “post” button, something strange was about to happen.

The next morning when I logged into Facebook, my eyes widened as I realized what had transpired while I’d been asleep. Overnight, my picture had gone viral. Over the next 3 days, it had over 18 million views, over 290,000 “likes,” and 29,000 “shares.” Perhaps even more intriguing were the 12,000 men and women who shared their (very candid) responses in the comments section.

Holding hands

I never could have imagined that a simple picture of my children might be controversial. But then, that was before I learned what an ugly place the internet can be.

The caption read, “This might look cute, brother and sister holding hands on the front step. But it’s actually our new punishment. Sibling fighting = time outside holding hands. Best consequence ever.” As people began to stumble across my picture, tempers started to flare. Without warning, a debate about parenting and discipline began to rage. Apparently, everyone had a deeply-rooted opinion that they fiercely held to. Peppered by colorful language, a hoard of self-proclaimed experts who believed me to be the Joseph Stalin of parenting began to tell me in no uncertain terms what a miserable excuse for a parent that I was.

Social media is a funny thing.

Here’s what I learned from my 15 minutes of internet notoriety:

  1. We need to learn how to disagree. As Chris Horst pointed out, the comment section is where civility and respect die a slow and painful death. We hide behind our screens and lob verbal grenades at others though a veil of anonymity. We emulate talk show hosts by combatively disagreeing and trample on the art of dialogue. If you truly believe that I am permanently damaging my children by three minutes of hand-holding, please let me know. But offensive language isn’t helpful and it makes your listener much less prone to hear what you have to say.
  2. Don’t read the comments or attempt to defend yourself. Jen Hatmaker, certainly a person well aware of how vicious the internet can be, graciously encouraged me to simply “close your laptop and walk away.” Good advice.
  3. Remember that behind every avatar is a real human being. In a society where almost everybody is “online”, we desperately need to remember that people aren’t profiles. Let’s refuse to interact with our online communities differently than we’d interact with our literal neighbors. As Glennon Doyle Melton once observed, “If you’re not kind on the internet, you’re not kind.” Together, let’s inject some humanity back into the internet.
  4. One real friend trumps 1 million “likes.” No amount of virtual connection will ever be a substitute for real, true human connection.
  5. People are passionate about their kids. There is more pent-up passion on the topic of children than virtually any other topic.
  6. You never know what will go viral. I post about my kids frequently, but for some reason, this one hit a nerve. You don’t get to choose what catches on—if I did, I would have chosen this video of Myles singing Amazing Grace or the release for the book my son and I recently wrote. Since the response is so unpredictable, I’m finding that I need to be totally certain any people in my posts are in favor of the content. My kids are at an age when we’ve had the conversation about what I post about them. (Also, I discovered it’s a good idea to make sure I ask Laurel first before posting pictures of her in high school during her “high hair” stage.)
  7. The “ban” button is a wonderful thing. For those people who are simply mean-spirited, use the ban button liberally.
  8. Like a bad case of dysentery, the attention passes quickly. After three days, my Facebook activity has returned to normal. Quickly come and quickly go.
  9. Social media has left us saturated in communication, but feeling lonelier than ever. As Dr. Sherry Turkle, author and a professor at MIT, described it, “We are tempted to think that our little ‘sips’ of online connection add up to a big pile of real conversation…Connecting in sips may work for gathering discrete bits of information or for saying ‘I am thinking about you.’ Or even for saying, ‘I love you.’ But connecting in sips doesn’t work as well when it comes to understanding and knowing one another.” Friends, let’s never allow screens to replace faces.
  10. Being a real celebrity must be terrible. I had my 15 minutes of internet fame, and I was immensely relieved when it was over. Imagine what it must be like to be bombarded by this craziness each and every day. Ever wonder why child celebrity stories rarely end well? Perhaps part of it is the inescapable pressure coming from online insanity.

Most of all, though, I’ve been reminded that because of what Christ has done, we have something better than “likes.” We are fully known, and perfectly loved. There can be no better intimacy than that. So close the computer. Open up Scripture. And remember you are loved.

If you’ve walked through your own 15 minutes of internet fame, I hope that your experience was better than mine. However, much more than that, I hope that you regularly disconnect from social media so your conversations (and healthy disagreements) run long and deep. Those are the moments in life worth treasuring, and they can’t happen in 140 characters.

Here’s to more people and fewer profiles!

23 Comments

  1. Wes Roberts
    November 14, 2014

    Peter…thank you for your vulnerability. Crazy how we learn lessons, and need to keep learning them. Chris Horst, by the way, is a mutual friend here in the Denver area. I so respect all you are doing in our world…including encouraging hand holding in a wide variety of ways. 🙂 Next time you are in Denver, I would welcome sharing a meal, or even coffee. I encourage the leaders I mentor, world wide, to pay attention to what you are doing with Hope International. You set a standard that brings life to so many. Thank you. God bless you.

    Reply
  2. Wes Roberts
    November 14, 2014

    PS…have you seen The Good Lie yet? This is a significant film with regard to what is happening with the Lost Boys of Sudan, and others. You’ll like the hand holding in that. ‘Tis a film we all should see several times around.

    Reply
  3. Alex
    November 14, 2014

    Love this! Especially number 9. Even though I blog, I sometimes wonder if I should give up social media, altogether. It seems very strange that tons of people read my stuff, and yet, very few discuss it with me. It can be an isolating place to know my words are out there and not hearing much response. The whole feeling gives me perspective when deciding how much media is enough in our household. Not that I have that figured out.

    Thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    Reply
  4. Watha
    November 14, 2014

    I think you gained a lot of wisdom from your 15 minutes. Thank you for reflecting on it and sharing it. You and Laurel are obviously parents who love your kids and do your best to creatively raise them with discipline (which is a positive thing) and values. In real life choices do have consequences. Parent on!

    Reply
  5. Arnold
    November 14, 2014

    Peter,
    Thanks for sharing your horrible experience. Really agree with your thoughts, especially 1,3 and 9. Let’s hope the next time you go viral, it will be for good. If He walked on earth in human form today, What Would Jesus Post?

    Reply
  6. Jelly Helm
    November 14, 2014

    Great – thank you

    Reply
  7. Tikva
    November 14, 2014

    Thank you so much for sharing words that truly needed to be shared and not giving in to the bullying and shaming that goes on online. As you pointed to, I really hope that this generation can invest more fully in the real life giving relationship we have with human beings offline and with Christ. In the meantime lets all commit to speaking truth in love on line as well as off, even when we don’t personally know the author, or subject we are disagreeing with.

    Reply
  8. Vickie
    November 14, 2014

    I don’t get it. Guess I’m naive but what’s so harsh about a brother and sister holding hands? I also don’t get the “Joseph Stalin” reference. Guess our society is sicker than I know. I am an older parent and, as others have told me, I did a pretty good job of raising my son and he has a healthy self-esteem in addition to respect for other people. And he DID have consequences assigned to his actions. The one most effective thing that I did consistently with my son is to 1) allow him to make choices, and 2) live with the consequences of those choices. Also, I didn’t get bent out of shape when it came to misbehavior, but I did enforce the consequences. He saw me taking things in stride, but also stick to my rules. Seems the problem with most “modern” parenting is that parents believe that children should be allowed to do whatever they want. Then what is the point and purpose behind parenting? Children need limits, guidance, and correction. Doesn’t mean it has to come at the expense of their self-esteem but it’s necessary.

    Reply
  9. Steven James Weibley
    November 14, 2014

    Every bit as good and thoughtful and gospel centered and well-written as your post on not being ugly Americans, which I sent to several. And, you ought consider me, though from a distance in miles and years, a “real friend.”

    Reply
  10. Lilian
    November 14, 2014

    I learned the hard way that Internet attention can be dangerous. I can’t even put my real name out there anymore.
    Glad the hoopla is done with and your loved ones are safe.

    Reply
  11. Dawn Blanchard
    November 14, 2014

    Awesome, Peter. Thank you. I am so glad I clicked on Teri Witter’s forward of this great blog entry. I wondered what became of you. I can now follow your blog. God’s richest blessings as you move forward in Him.

    Reply
  12. Jennifer West
    November 14, 2014

    Well said, my friend

    Reply
  13. Leslie Ashley
    November 14, 2014

    you article states why this world is in so much turmoil. As a parent and a child, I want you to know that if more parents today dealt with their children with this attitude and outlook, maybe the children growing up wouldn’t be out of control as we see so often in the media. Allowing children to get away with being mean, mouthy and even bullying shows that their isn’t a constant in their lives. Parents who care like you do are far and few in between.
    God said we are to raise up our children in a way fitting unto Him. Thank you for sharing that beautiful picture and showing that you truly want what’s best for your children.

    Reply
  14. Ann Voskamp
    November 14, 2014

    Thank you.

    Reply
  15. Jonathan Lopez
    November 15, 2014

    Wonderful story. I definitely you’re on to something with the “punishment”. It’s easy to burn with anger against a person when you’re in the other room thinking about it, but you have to simmer down if you’re standing right next to them.

    I can agree with you on going viral. You start attracting a lot of weird and unwanted interactions. I left Tumblr for that reason.

    Reply
  16. Kari
    November 15, 2014

    Oh my goodness! My parents totally did something similar! If we got into an argument we had to hug and my mom would count to ten, we had to look at each other in the eyes, if we rolled our eyes the count started over! By the end we were always laughing and our apology to each other was usually pretty genuine. This went on until my brothers were teens! And we are all pretty good friends now!

    Reply
  17. Christopher Thompson
    November 15, 2014

    I personally don’t like the idea of parents posting pictures of their children on Facebook when they haven’t adjusted their privacy settings or have Facebook friends who would share / repost pictures of someone’s children without their permission. If it took you this long to realize the Internet is a horrible place then yeah was probably a hard lesson learned. Here’s another rule… BE VERY LIBERAL WITH THE BLOCK AND UNFRIEND BUTTON. Quitting Facebook has slowly become something I’m unable to do, but no list of Facebook friends is very strictly limited and monitored. And to even then my time line itself is still locked down to a select group of those friends. The Internet is a public arena and if there’s a lesson that can be taught to your children it’s about keeping their private lives as private as possible in this day and age of information and surveillance. Just like drinking, drugs, love and politics, children should be informed of the dangers around them. Especially the danger of the Internet. Regardless of it’s amazing usefulness, it’s got its downsides.

    Reply
  18. valerie gaydos
    November 15, 2014

    cute. ny mom did something similar with my sister and me. : )

    Reply
  19. Kristi
    November 15, 2014

    Thank you for both posts! I am amazed and usually confused by how cruel people can be on the Internet. As for the picture of your children, my parents did something similar to my sister and I. We went through a period of horrendous fighting and my dad had enough. For 2 days EVER hour we were awake we had to stop what we were doing, hug each other, and say “I love you”. At the end I remember telling dad, “you know I really do love her even if she gets on my nerves.” We still talk about dad making us do that more than 20 years ago and my sister is one of my best friends. Sometimes “forced affection” reminds us of genuine love. At least it did for my sister and me. Thank you for loving your kids enough to be involved in their lives and their relationships…seems like a parenting win to me!

    Reply
  20. Aaron Smith
    November 15, 2014

    Very well said, Mr. Greer.

    Reply
  21. Tanya Love
    November 18, 2014

    Such a perfect response and I love this way of disciplining. You should be commended for fostering a good relationship between them and thinking outside the box! I for one am going to implement this in my house right away. All the best to you and your lovely family.

    Reply
  22. Jeane
    November 24, 2014

    This was just really wonderful, Peter. I continue to admire you and the way you humbly partner with Jesus.

    Reply
  23. Clem Boyd
    December 2, 2014

    Thanks for sharing your gracious, learner’s heart. It’s obvious you really love your kids well.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Scroll to top