For Couples, Holidays Often Aren’t Happy Days

Holidays aren’t always happy days. Between resurfacing family issues, increased financial strain, and kids off from school, pressure mounts and attempts to sever relationships.

Additionally, if you’ve been married a few years, you are already close to your very lowest level of happiness. The fifth year of marriage is, on average, a couple’s low point, according to a study by family law specialists Slater & Gordon.

These can be difficult days when the initial excitement of marriage is exchanged by a less exciting reality. Romance is replaced by runny noses, sleep disruptions, busy schedules, and diapers. Marriages slowly settle for ordinary. Couples seem to almost inevitably drift apart.

Compounded by children having an incredible ability to crush libido, we begin to question, Did I make a mistake? Would I be happier with someone else?

Right now, I know many friends are in the center of these challenging years of marriage. And Laurel and I went through our toughest years a couple years ago.

Looking back, here’s what I wish every couple could see:

1. Your happiness is not the goal of marriage. There is a higher purpose for marriage than your own fulfillment or enjoyment. Die to your own agenda. And begin living for the joy of someone else. In so doing, you begin to understand the love of Christ for you.
2. Act in love, even when you don’t feel it. Recent studies in psychology say the way we frame situations in speech actually shape our beliefs. What we say about our spouse directly influences how positively or negatively we perceive them. If you act graciously, eventually your perception follows.
3. Comparison = losing game. You made a vow. For followers of Jesus, there simply is no Plan B. Get back to old-fashioned and always beautiful commitment. Besides, the grass always looks greener from a distance … but remember dog poop is in that yard, too.
4. Love your kids by loving your spouse. Our kids are watching our behavior more than listening to our rhetoric. What example are you leaving your kids? Love them by showing what a dedicated life of service and love look like.
5. Fight fair. Couples that pass through the challenging years learn to fight fair. They don’t bring up the past.Or wield the weapon of previous mistakes.  Let go of those prior hurts – and never bring them up in arguments.
6. Remember your spouse is a child of the King. They are precious.You have the high calling to show them what love looks like, regardless of how they respond.

In Psalm 3:7, it says, “Arise, O Lord;save me, O my God!” Sometimes we need God to save us from ourselves.

Hold on. Fight for your marriage. For those who make it through the slump, your best days just may be waiting … In fact, one study reports those married over 40 years experience greater marital bliss than newlyweds.

During this holiday season, may you learn to love as you’ve been loved and forgive as you’ve been forgiven.