4 Things about Turning 40

Around this time last year, I celebrated another birthday—and not just any birthday. This was the big one. The 4-Ohhhhnoooo. I went to bed a sprightly 39-year-old and woke up looking like the guy who can’t sleep in a cold medicine commercial.

 

I was finally 40—statistically, my life’s halftime.

I’ve played enough soccer to know the importance of halftime; it’s a moment to pause, reflect on your performance, determine what changes need to be made, and then step back onto the field to finish the game. Because of this, I thought a lot more about turning 40 than I have about any other birthday. (So much, in fact, that I wrote a whole book about it!)

I want to remember some of dominant themes that captured my thinking during my “halftime year.” Here are the things that will stick with me as I live into my second half:

1. Write your eulogy.

Writing your eulogy sounds like a horribly depressing thing to do. Seriously, who does that? Well, I did. And I’d suggest you do it, too.

The benefit is that it forces you to remember that one day, people will gather together, lower you into a hole in the ground, say a few nice words about you, and cover you with dirt. Then they’ll eat mediocre potato salad and go about the business of living until it’s their turn.

None of us can escape death. The question is, in light of that day, how will you live this day? That’s something we can influence. And when we think today through the lens of tomorrow, I believe it makes a difference in how we live today.

Writing your eulogy brings into sharp clarity what matters most, and might just change the way you live your life.

2. Love those you’re closest to well.

When we count our days, we have the opportunity to recalibrate, focusing less on achievements and more on people, especially those closest to us.

We think less about accolades and more about relationships. We obsess less about our full inboxes and more about planning coffee with our parents. We think about saying “no” to the next business trip so that we can be there to read to the kids at bedtime and kiss them on the forehead as they drift off to sleep.

We think about how we can help our friends and family grow in grace, so that together, we can more clearly see and experience a God who is at work in the midst of life’s brokenness.

It has always been easier for me to think more about trying to be successful at work than trying to be successful at home. One of my halftime reflections is that I never want to fail in letting the people closest to me to know how much I love them.

3. Keep your friends.

Research shows that by age 36, most men have made their closest friends. Recently I heard that a shockingly small number report having any close friends at all. Statistically, women tend to do a better job of maintaining their relationships, but by midlife, many of us find friendships to be in dwindling supply—precisely when we most desperately need them.

Life isn’t meant to be lived in isolation. Because of this, I want to prioritize time with friends. In college, I used to run with my roommate as we were preparing for soccer season. Today, we go for power walks. It’s old and lame, but deeply important. (And sometimes, I’m convinced that I can still hear the strains of the soundtrack from Chariots of Fire lilting in the background.)

In a rare moment of hopefulness, the writer of Ecclesiastes says, “A cord of three strands is not easily broken.” Though this verse is often quoted during weddings, its original context is actually more suited to refer to friendships in general. Without time and attention, our friendships will drift. Yet we need our friends. Let’s make sure our ropes are strong as we enter the second half.

4. Make peace with your finances.

When it comes to money, few people ever feel as though they’ve “arrived.” There is always more to be had but midlife is a moment to discover contentment.

A few years ago, a friend introduced me to the idea of setting a “lifestyle cap” early on in life. Even if earnings increase, income remains the same, and any additional funds are automatically shared, rather than spent on personal consumption.

As a family, we are working to make peace with our financial finish line. We have enough. And that is a wonderfully freeing place to be.

Halftime is over. It’s time to get back in the game. And I think I’m going to play the second half differently than I did the first half. How about you—how will your second half compare to your first?

---

Learn more about rediscovering who God has called you to be:

40/40 Vision:
Clarifying Your Mission for Midlife

by Peter Greer and Greg Lafferty
from Intervarsity Press